Tuesday, February 18, 2025

Alchemy Gets a Bad Rap

I don't remember the specific context, but recently somebody wanted to insult somebody else.  So, he derisively referred to him as an Alchemist.  That is an all too common example of something I have been guilty of.  "Boy, back in the old, old days", my thinking used to go, "people were really dumb".  And it's not just me, or at least the old me.  Scratch the surface, and you'll find that this is a common sentiment.

As the years have passed, I have had occasion to take a deep dive into why several people in the past believed what they believed.  This has convinced me to change my thinking to the point where I now hold exactly the opposite sentiment.  Some of the smartest people who ever lived, lived more than a thousand years ago.  And some of those people were Alchemists.

Sure, they held beliefs that we no longer hold.  And without considering context, what information they had access to, that's enough for many people to conclude that they must have been dumb.  You see, in light of what we now know, their old ideas seem pretty dumb to us.

But they didn't know what we now know.  And given what they did know, they did a far better job of it than many of us modern know-it-alls do.  This fact that so many contemporary people get so much wrong has provided fodder for far too many of my posts to this blog.

Returning to the past and the people who populated it, a few years ago I did a double blog post on Newton's Philosophie Naturalis Principia Mathematica (see Sigma 5: Principia - part 1 and Sigma 5: Principia - Part 2).  In Part 1 I said "[i]t . . . kicked my butt, completely and utterly".  That's right.  A book that was published more than three hundred years ago kicked my butt.

Now, most people consider me a geek and a math guy.  So, the book should be right up my alley.  And besides, I have had a year of college Calculus plus sundry other exposures to the subject.  It is a book that spends a lot of time laying out the basics of Calculus (it was the first broad introduction introduction to Calculus to see print).  It then uses Calculus to solve various problems we would now consider simple and straightforward.

Sounds pretty much like Calculus 101, right?  So, you'd think that with my background I would have been able to buzz through it without breaking a sweat.  But that's the opposite of how it went.  I was in over my head, usually way over my head, almost all of the time.

Newton was a coinventor of Calculus.  He and a guy named Leibnitz came up with the idea independently, and at about the same time.  So, the version of Calculus used in Principia should have been pretty basic.  And it was.  (Leibnitz came up with a more sophisticated version.  That's why most people now use the Leibnitz methodology rather than Newton's.)  But it turns out that was no help at all.

Between then (the book was first published in 1687, but it was based on work Newton had done many years earlier) and now, people have had a lot of time to figure out how to better organize the ideas Newton developed and then teach them.  That's one factor.  Another factor is the difference between what people back then had to work with in terms of tools and what people had to work with in terms of information.

The farther back you go, the poorer the tools.  And the farther back you go, the poorer the data.  And this extends both to quality and quantity.  Back then people didn't have much data.  And the data they had was often of poor quality.  That's the real reason only a certified genius like Newton could invent something like Calculus.  He had to find a way around the fact that he had poor tools to apply to poor data.

This becomes immediately apparent when you start diving into Principia.  Newton had to be really creative to overcome the many obstacles thrown up by few and poor tools.  We have better ways of dealing with those problems.  As a result, we can now take a much simpler and more direct approach.  It is the convoluted (and very creative) methods Newton was forced to use that make the work so hard to follow.

By now I've been exposed to enough primary material (the original publication documenting the method some ancient or other had to use) to see a pattern.  I'm sure Euclid's Elements, the document that all of modern Geometry is built upon, would follow this same pattern.  But, since I have not gotten around to checking Elements out, I can't say so from personal knowledge.  But I can speak from personal experience about an example that is not as old as Elements, but is much older than Principia.

One of my High School Math teachers handed out Galileo's proof that a free falling projectile, one which is being subjected to the effects of gravity and nothing else, follows a parabolic path.  His proof can colloquially be described as "Greek to me".  Why?  It turns out it is easy to duplicate his result if you have access to Algebra and Analytic Geometry.

Both are now taught in High School (and sometimes earlier).  But neither had been invented in time for Galileo to make use of them.  Without those two tools Galileo had to be a genius on a level with Newton to pull what he did off.  Fortunately, he was.  And that's my basic theses when it comes to Alchemy.

It wasn't that those people were dumb.  It was that they had poor tools and poor data.  As a result, it is no surprise that they went down a lot of rabbit holes.  Nevertheless, after herculean effort, and with unimaginable persistence they slowly developed better tools.  And after still more effort and with still more persistence they slowly cleaned up the old data and developed the new data that eventually led to Chemistry.

So, let's now take a tour through history and see what these people knew and what they learned.  Alchemy as a concept dates back thousands of years, but the word itself is relatively modern.  The word only goes back to medieval times.  The French word alquemie got latinized to become alchymia.  The usual rules were applied to turn the Latin word into it's English equivalent.

The concept turns out to be one that several different civilizations have found their way to.  The oldest seems to be the ancient Egyptians.  There, it grew out of an interest in metallurgy.  If nothing else, there is always a market for a better sword.  Wood gets replaced by stone.  Stone gets replaced by copper.  Copper gets replaced by bronze.  Bronze gets replaced by Iron.  Iron gets replaced by Steel.  Each of these steps took a great deal of technical ingenuity to achieve.

The ancient Egyptians were only able to progress to the bronze stage.  But finding better materials and manufacturing techniques to employ in sword making was a priority for the Egyptian governments of the time.  The Greeks learned from the Egyptians and improved on what they learned.  The Romans learned from the Greeks and improved on what they learned.  The Byzantines learned from the Romans and improved on  what they learned.  Medieval society learned from the Byzantines and improved on what they learned.  Along the way sword making progressed to the point where it was using steel.

But sword making was not the only problem confronting ancient Egyptian governments.  They needed all kinds of new, better, and cheaper materials.  And at bottom Alchemy is the study of materials, how to organize them into useful groups, how to transform one material into another material, and how to create new materials.  The ancient Egyptians were not the only people confronting these challenges.  As a result, under various names Alchemy arose independently in India, China, and perhaps other places.

This is the knowledge equivalent of parallel evolution.  It turns out that if something is useful enough, it often gets developed independently several times.  Flight is one example.  Certain dinosaurs developed the ability to fly.  This got passed down to modern birds.  But birds are not mammals.   Bats are mammals.  Bats developed the ability to fly completely independently of dinosaurs and their various offspring.

A more extreme example is eyesight.  Eyesight has been developed independently at least five separate times.  As just one example, insect eyes are completely different from mammal eyes.  Many evolution deniers are completely unaware of this.  And the fact that the intermediate steps between "nothing even vaguely resembling eyes" and "fully developed eyesight" have been documented in eye-glazing detail since the objection was first raised, has also failed to penetrate their awareness.

Scientists love theories.  They even like theories that are known to be wrong.  Theories give you a way to organize a large mass of data into some vague approximation of order.  A reasonable number of groups is far easier to wrap one's head around than a large mass of random facts and observations.  There is a popular form of grouping that is commonly associated with Alchemy.  It is the Earth, Air, Fire, Water business.

But let's take a look at each of these groups with modern eyes.  The first thing we need to do is discard two of them as utterly hopeless.  Earth and Fire are far too complicated to get anywhere with.  Comparatively speaking, Air and Water seem pretty simple.  So, let's take a look at what ancient Alchemists were up against by focusing on just these last two.

Of the two, we now know that Water is the simpler one.  But even it is complex.  Ancients knew that it existed in three forms.  As a solid it is ice or snow.  As a liquid it is "just water".  But "just water" comes in two general types, fresh and salt.  Water vapor is the third form.  But what's with it?  Is it Air, an entirely different group, or is it still Water?  Complexity abounds no matter where we look.

And we now know that Water consists of two atoms of Hydrogen and one atom of Oxygen.  All three are tightly bound together by chemical bonds into what we now call a molecule.  So, maybe Air is simpler.  It's all the same stuff.  It's always gaseous.  It never changes to a liquid or a solid, at least as far as the ancients knew.  But we now know that Air is a mixture.

It is roughly 20% Oxygen and 80% Nitrogen.  I use the word "roughly", because about 3% of Air is something else.  Most of the "something else" is Argon.  But, since the ancients had no way to detect any of the components of that 3%, I'm just going to ignore it.

But that leaves plenty of complexity remaining.  Air is a mixture.  And the components of that mixture are not simple elements.  They are molecules.  The "Oxygen" is actually a molecule consisting of two atoms of Oxygen tightly bound together by chemical bonds.  It's the same thing with the "Nitrogen" in the Air.  It is a molecule consisting of two atoms of Nitrogen tightly bound together by chemical bonds.

The problem this presented to ancient Alchemists is that those chemical bonds are not tight enough.  Both Oxygen and Nitrogen are intimately involved in the chemistry of life (and lots of other things).  The most obvious example is Oxygen.  In most cases things burn by breaking some of the chemical bonds in some of the molecules and then rearranging the things into new molecules.  Effectively, old molecules get replaced by new molecules.

But each element that was in one of the old molecules that gets changed ends up in one of the new molecules, just not in the same molecule it started in.  And that extends to some of the Oxygen molecules in the atmosphere.  Some of them become old molecules that get changed into new molecules.  Sometimes, these new molecules are gasses.  Sometimes not.  Either way, Alchemists found it extremely difficult to figure out what was going on.

To take the commonest example, a major constituent of wood is Carbon.  When wood burns the Carbon in the wood is detached (one or more chemical bonds are broken) from whatever molecule it is bound to.  The chemical bonds binding the two atoms of Oxygen in an "Oxygen" molecule also get broken.  The chemical bonds get reformed into a new molecule called Carbon Dioxide.

Carbon Dioxide consists of one atom of Carbon (from the wood) combined with two atoms of Oxygen (from the air).  And to make things even more confusing for Alchemists studying this process, Carbon Dioxide is a gas.  Of course, as wood burns, many other chemical reactions are going on in parallel with the one I described.  Some of them involve Nitrogen molecules from the atmosphere.

In Nitrogen's case several different new molecules form.  The amount of each that gets formed varies substantially depending on conditions.  Among simplest new molecules are Nitrogen Oxide (1 Nitrogen, 1 Oxygen), Nitrogen Dioxide (1 Nitrogen, 2 Oxygen), and Cyanide (1 Nitrogen, 1 Carbon).  All are gasses.  Other, more complicated new molecules are solids.  Needless to say, untangling all this took a VERY long time.

Returning to Water for a moment, shallow lakes sometimes evaporate completely and leave behind a lot of salt.  This is a phenomenon that the ancients were very familiar with.  The obvious conclusion is that The "pure" version of Water is salt free.  But there is noting obviously Earthy about salt Water.  It seems to just be Watery.  But you get a kind of Earth when you precipitate (a modern word that describes what is happening) all of the salt out of salt water.

These are just a few examples of the problems associated with the whole Earth-Air-Fire-Water business.  The problem Alchemists had was that no one could come up with an alternative that worked any better.  The shortcomings of a bad theory can be used as hints as to where to look for a better theory.  But the Earth-Air-Fire-Water theory wasn't even able to do that.  The lack of a "new and improved" theory is one reason why progress took so long.

But Alchemists tried.  Ancient (and later medieval) Alchemists developed many recipes for turning one material into another.  But they had tremendous difficulty coming up with predictive rules.  They got some milage out of "if this formula works what other formula should also work?", but not much.  They kept getting lost in the detail.

They knew of thousands of different materials.  They knew that Earth-Air-Fire-Water was too few groups, and perhaps the wrong list of groups.  At the other end of the scale they knew of many groups, each consisting of a small number of materials, where all the members of the group behaved in a similar manner.  But unfortunately, a large number of materials didn't seem to fit into any group.  What they needed was system that would produce an intermediate number of groups, and that would allow every material to be put into one group.

In short, what they needed was what in modern terms are called elements and molecules.  BTW, there is actually a third category.  There are compounds.  These are materials that consist of a mixture of molecules.  There may be bonds keeping the compound together, but these bonds are far weaker than chemical bonds.  Compounds introduce a whole additional degree of complexity.  But things are already too complex, so for the most part I'm going to ignore them.

But figuring out what is an element and what is a molecule is extremely difficult.  Water seems like it should be an element.  The Oxygen in Air seems like it should be an element.  To Ancient Alchemists, there didn't seem to be anything peculiar about Iron or Sulphur, both of which they were familiar with.  And both of which are elements, while water and molecular Oxygen aren't.  Nor is ordinary air.

Mercury is an element.  And Mercury was also well known to ancient Alchemists.  But then and now Mercury feels like it should be in a category by itself.  Ancient Alchemists grouped it with other metals.  But even they considered metals to be too vague of a category to be of much use.  What makes Mercury so unique is that it is the only metal (and element) that is a liquid at room temperature.

The problem Alchemists were wrestling with was similar to the one Geologists wrestled with before the advent of Plate Tectonics.  Geologists spend most of their time studying compounds.  Over time they have been able to catalog more than a million of them.  But the old questions of where to find a particular compound, how compounds get transformed, what new and possibly valuable compounds are out there and where can they be found, also hounded them.

Geologists were familiar with weathering.  They knew something about the effects of rivers.  They knew a lot about this pocket and that pocket of their particular area of study.  But nothing ever coalesced into an overarching theory that put the various processes they already knew about into some kind of larger context.  Until, that is, Plate Tectonics was developed in the '50s and '60s.

It was the overarching theory that provided that provided context into which the various pockets of knowledge could be placed.  It also introduced additional processes.  Plate Tectonics explains, for instance, how many types of rocks get formed.  It explains how volcanoes work and why they end up where they do.

In short it brings previous knowledge into a single coherent whole.  And it introduces new ideas that shed much needed light on what had previously been mysterious.  But the key technology that convinced Geologists that Plate Tectonics was real was one that was only developed in the aftermath of World War II, the ability to map the magnetic fields of rocks on the bottoms of various oceans.

The basic idea of Plate Tectonics had first been introduced several decades earlier.  But the evidence in its favor was scant and unconvincing.  And what evidence there was, was only possible to collect when twentieth century technology became available.  There was literally no evidence to support the existence of Plate Tectonics that was available to anyone living before 1900.

Alchemists had the same problem.  Almost all of the tools and techniques necessary to tell the signal from the noise took an extremely long time to develop.  Modern chemists can use something called a Mass Spectrometer to probe the constituents of a compound.  Often, elemental signals are present.  Helium was first identified by examining the spectrum of the Sun.

Alchemists didn't know it, but they had a tool that could not be used in as many situations as a modern Mass Spectrometer can.  Still, it can be useful in many situations.  And it doesn't require any equipment beyond what a typical Alchemist has on hand.  It turns turns out that if you burn things you get a colored flame.  And the colors in the flame tell you a lot about what's in what you are burning.

The problem is that this technique works best if you are burning things that are both pure and simple.  If you burn complicated things then there are so many processes going on, each of which produces its own distinctive set of colors, that the colors generated by all these processes mask each other.  And if the sample is not pure, you automatically get a complex situation.

Take what sounds like it should be a simple situation, Coal.  It's just Carbon, right?  Wrong!  Consider how Coal got created.  A long time ago a large quantity of organic material got buried deep underground.  How?  Plate Tectonics provides the answer.  In any case, after enough time had passed, and after the organic matter had been subjected to just the right amount of heat and pressure, it turned into Oil.  Slightly different amounts of time, pressure, and heat produced Coal.

Given the vicissitudes inherent in how it got created, it is not surprising that there are lots of different types of Coal.  Some types of Coal are almost 100% Carbon.  Other types of Coal are only 50% Carbon, or even less.   When confronted by this kind of problem Alchemists first have to decide "do I have different grades of the same thing or do I have different things".  The process of figuring out which it is was a slow and painful one.

One factor that really slowed things down for Alchemical progress is secrecy.  Being an Alchemist is a time consuming job.  Not that many people are rich enough to self fund.  So, many Alchemists worked for the government.  That meant keeping the King, or whatever the local head of government was called, happy.

He expected value for his money.  Or at least the promise of value.  A new and improved sword or other piece of military technology would fill the bill.  So would the ability to turn a cheap "base" metal like Lead into valuable metal like Gold.  If the Alchemist was successful, it behooved the King to keep the result secret.  If not, then secrecy avoided embarrassment.

So, Alchemy and secrecy became closely associated almost from the start.  And secrecy inhibited the free flow of information.  That resulted in a lot of duplication of effort and no one Alchemist having a good understanding of the state of the art of the field as a whole.  Before continuing, I am going to return to the whole Lead into Gold business for a moment.

To the modern ear the whole business sounds ridiculous.  But consider this.  We now know how to do it.  All you have to do is smash a Hydrogen atom into a Lead atom.  If you do it just right, then the Proton in the Hydrogen nucleus gets added into the nucleus of the Lead atom and that turns it into a Gold atom.  The process involves using a horribly expensive device called a Particle Accelerator.  And the quantity of Gold produced is measured in terms of numbers of atoms.  But those are just practical details.

We also know how to turn graphite (a common and cheap form of Carbon) into Diamond (an uncommon and very expensive form of Carbon).  Industrial diamonds are made from graphite on a daily basis by using specialized machinery.  But so far, producing large, gem-quality diamonds by using industrial processes is not possible to do, at least in a cost effective manner.  But again, those are just practical details.

Now let's look at what Alchemists knew and what they did not know.  They did not know which materials were elements, which were molecules, and which were compounds.  Consider salt.  Table salt is Sodium Chloride (1 Sodium, 1 Chloride).  But to a modern chemist, "salt" is not one singe thing.  It is a whole family of similar things.  Potassium Chloride is a "salt".  The list of molecules that are salts is far to long to include here.

One thing that is true of all salts is that they are are molecules and not elements.  But for the purposes of argument, let's say that the same thing is true of Lead and Gold.  We know that they are elements, but Alchemists didn't.  So, for the purposes of our argument let's pretend for the moment that they are molecules instead.  And let's model those molecules after the two salts I just mentioned.

First, assume that Lead, the cheaper and more common material in our example, is actually some analog of Sodium Chloride.  Let's also assume that Gold, the more expensive and less common material in our example, is some analog of Potassium Chloride.  If this were true then an Alchemist could turn Lead into Gold by some process analogous to replacing Sodium with Potassium.  That might easily be within the capability of our hypothetical Alchemist.

Given what Alchemists knew and didn't know, it was perfectly reasonable for them to assume that there was a practical process for turning Lead into Gold.  And that means that they were not stupid to try.  And that means that ridiculing them for trying is not justified.

I hope that by now I have convinced you that the task Alchemists set for themselves was an exceedingly difficult one.  The invention of the printing press helped a lot.  It made it easier for results to escape one location and become widely known.  That helped.  But another important factor tuned out to be understanding that the main problem was just too big.  It had to be broken down into many sub-problems and each one had to be tackled separately.

Many separate methods were developed for purifying many separate materials.  Many compounds were identified as compounds and their constituent molecules identified.  In some cases the constituent elements that came together to make a specific molecule were identified.  More and more materials were determined to be either a molecule or an element.

But this buildup of information was a slow, painful process.  A breakthrough here rarely led to a breakthrough somewhere else.  It was a slow, painstaking process to develop the procedures, processes, and data necessary for a clear picture to evolve.  If you want to get something of an idea just how slow and painful the process was, just Google "Phlogiston".

By the late 1600s a hazy picture started to form.  By the early 1700s the picture was starting to come into focus.  But that very progress caused another problem to surface.  Alchemy had been around for a long time.  And for much of that time Alchemy lacked a firm foundation.  That left the door open for charlatans of every stripe.  They took advantage of this open door in large numbers.  And that gave Alchemy a sketchy reputation.

Over the millennia, many luminaries have worked in Alchemy.  Newton (yes - that Newton) was just one of many people who to this day we think of as being reputable people, but who were also serious Alchemists.  There have always been enough disreputable people mixed in with the reputable ones that many people are convinced that all of Alchemy is disreputable.

If the field was going to move forward, then something needed to be done.  The solution was one we are now very familiar with, rebranding.  Starting in about 1720 reputable Alchemists started calling themselves Chemists.  The work they were doing hadn't changed.  From a practical point of view, it was still Alchemy.

But the rebrand allowed them to separate themselves and the work they were doing from the now widely discredited term of Alchemy.  The rebranding worked.  The field went forward, now at the quicker pace enabled in part by shedding the old Alchemical baggage.

Today, Chemistry is seen as an honorable profession that produces reliable results.  Alchemy, on the other hand, has lost whatever connection it had with the good work that was done under its auspices.  That left just the bad stuff.  But Alchemy hasn't changed.  Only our perception of it has changed.  And the current perception is inaccurate and unfair.  It gets a bad rap.

Saturday, February 15, 2025

Pronouns

I'm not a fan of Trump.  But the old saw about a stopped clock being correct twice per day seems to somehow apply to him.  You see, he has made two promises I wish he'd keep.  Knowing him, however, he will keep the promises I wish he should break and break the promises I wish he would keep.  As to the two promises -

He promised to abolish Daylight Savings Time and put the whole country on year-round Standard Time.  He has signed over two hundred Executive Orders.  As far as I can tell, none of them address this issue.  Still, his second term is still in its infancy.  So, there's still hope.

The case for Spring Ahead - Fall Back has done nothing but weaken since the concept was introduced during World War I.  Various purported advantages have been advanced during the century that has elapsed since.  But every time a "benefit" has been reexamined, the expected amount of benefit declines.  Modern studies put the net benefit at near zero.  And until very recently, the harm caused by disrupting everyone's circadian rhythms twice a year hasn't even been factored in.

There has been a general decline in public support for switching back and forth between Standard Time and Daylight Savings Time.  In fact, it has become quite unpopular.  Most people now prefer year-round Standard Time.  The least popular option is continuing as we are, while year-round Daylight Time lands somewhere in between.

Various bills on this subject have been introduced at both the State and the Federal level.  The public has generally supported proposals at the State level that would change the state to year-round Daylight Time.  Voter attitude is "anything is better than the current system".

But the reasons campaigns were successful at getting the public to go along was because they omitted a critical piece of information.  States can revert to year-round Standard Time on their own.  But going to year-round Daylight Time requires a change to Federal law.

Trump promised to take the entire country back to year-round Standard Time.  That would be even better than a state-by-state approach.  The other promise he made that I favor is to get rid of the Debt Ceiling.  Since I devoted an entire post to the subject (see "Sigma 5: Debt Ceiling - Here we go again") a couple of years ago, I am going to say no more here.  We will need to raise it yet a gain soon, so it will be interesting to see how things play out this time around.

And that brings me to the subject of this post.  The Trump Administration has gone after pronouns.  Not all pronouns, just the pronouns associated with DEI.  This is part of a broader effort designed to persecute various groups of people.  I am adamantly opposed to that.  But on the specific issue of those particular pronouns, I think he's half right.

A large number of his followers claim to be Libertarians.  Libertarianism is built around the concept of individual liberty.  It argues for letting people do whatever they want, so long as what they are doing doesn't affect anyone other than themselves.  A person deciding that they prefer a certain set of personal pronouns is something a Libertarian should whole heartily support.

But like much else, application of Libertarian doctrine by the "Libertarian" wing of the GOP is selective.  If a particular behavior is one they approve of then they are all for having the government permit it because Libertarianism.  But if the behavior is one they don't like they stop being Libertarians and do the opposite.  They support government efforts to drive it out of existence.

This is one of a million examples of the GOP in general and Trump in particular selectively ignoring what they claim to be bedrock principles when it suits them.  They are fiscally conservative when it suits them, which turns out to be whenever Democrats are in control.  They completely ignore fiscal conservatism when it would cramp their style, namely when they are in power.  The same applies to law and order and many other stands they take and abandon with metronomic regularity.

And, as I noted, the whole pronouns business is part of a broader effort to harm these people.  But this post is not about that broader effort, important though it might be.  This post is going to narrowly focus on pronouns.  And, more specifically, it is going to focus on the whole they/them business.  And it's not like I am opposed to tinkering with the list of pronouns now in widespread use.

I don't know who invented the word Mizz.  I think it was invented in more than one place and at more than one time.  What I do know is how it made its way into popular culture.  A long time ago a man by the name of Jack Web came up with an idea for a show.  This is so long ago that his show, Dragnet, premiered on the radio before moving to black and white TV.

Dragnet was a radical departure.  It drained the drama out of drama.  Dragnet had no car chases, no shootouts, no scantily clad dames up to no good.  It was "just the facts mam".  I think it worked because it was unique in its approach.

It was very popular in its day and that usually leads to successful imitations.    But nobody has been able to duplicate Web's formula successfully.  Even a "remake" in the form of a 1987 movie, also called Dragnet, was able to parody the formula but not duplicate it.

One aspect of Web's Dragnet that has been duplicated successfully many times since is to claim the events depicted are based on actual events as documented in the files of whichever law enforcement agency is featured.  Each episode of Dragnet claimed to be based on an actual Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) case with "only the names have been changed to protect the innocent".

However true that statement was or was not, Web did incorporate a lot of actual LAPD procedures into his show.  One element he lifted was to address many female witnesses as Mizz.  It is often unclear whether a woman a cop encounters in the course of an investigation is married.  And her marital status often had no bearing on the case that was being investigated.

In this context, adopting a gender neutral approach made sense.  Mizz is a blurring of the pronunciations of Miss and Misses.  In a police context, it avoids embarrassing a potential witness by incorrectly guessing what her marital status is.  I am confident that Web's widespread use of Mizz in his show came straight from the LAPD's Standards and Practices manual.

The show was very popular.  It ran for many years.  So, thanks to Dragnet, a large swath of the general public was familiar with the term.  So, when the woman's movement decided it was time to inject a marital status neutral pronoun into the culture, there it was, waiting to be used.  They decided that Mizz could be shortened to Ms, but that was the only change they had to make.

And when they started rolling it out I was fine with it.  I could see their argument that a woman's marital status was irrelevant or unimportant in a lot of contexts.  On the other hand, Mister (abbreviated to Mr) does not tell us anything about a man's marital status.  So the introduction of Ms evened the playing field while not imposing much of a burden on anyone.

Adding Ms to the mix of pronouns in general use was easy to do.  It was easy to figure out when it was the appropriate choice, and when it wasn't.  It was a new word but its meaning was obvious.  Understanding its meaning was easy.  No context was necessary.  Some people didn't like it.  But their complaints were primarily political rather than being practical.  They didn't like the people who were advocating for it.  Nevertheless, they had no trouble using it or understanding other people when they chose to use it.  

The way we communicate has evolved over the decades since Ms was introduced.  Texting and other contemporary forms of communication  have had the side effect of lessening the need for Ms.  As a result, it's usage probably peaked decades ago.  But when the need arises, it is still around.

And this "marital status neutral" argument is one that various groups wanted to draw a parallel to when they began advocating for a set of gender neutral pronouns.  Again, I see their point.  There are a lot of contexts where the sex of the person is unknown, irrelevant, or unimportant.  So, they argue, let's come up with gender neutral pronouns and encourage their use.  Fine.  The parallel works for me.

What I object to is not the need for gender neutral pronouns but the implementation that has come into general use.  There is already a sex neutral pronoun available, "it".  They argue against using "it" based on the principle that "it" is degrading.  It reduces a person to a thing.  Interestingly enough, French and several other romance languages go the other way.  They apply a sex to inanimate objects.  Yet inanimate objects are inherently sexless.

And they do this very broadly.  These languages put a masculine or a feminine ending on most nouns.  But the choice of whether to use a masculine ending or a feminine ending for a particular noun is somewhat arbitrary.  As far as I can tell, there is little rhyme or reason for which sex is chosen.  And this should be the source of considerable confusion.  But it is not.  Somehow, people soldier along as if there is nothing to see here.

But I get the objection to going to the other extreme and choosing "it".  Fine.  The obvious solution is to come up with a new word or words.  That's what happened with Ms.  And I have already argued that the addition of Ms was a good thing.  Fortunately, a source for potential words to choose from already exists.  Science fiction authors have been wrestling with this problem for decades.

They routinely invent alien races with no sexes, different sexes, multiple sexes, you name it.  Hell.  They have even invented alien races whose sex changes as a member goes through different stages in its life.  As a result, science fiction authors have come up with lots of different words that could be pulled out of their stories and added to the standard list of pronouns to give us gender neutral alternatives to he/she.

But that's not what happened.  Instead, "they" (presumably singular) and "them" (presumably plural) evolved as the consensus choice.  The problem is that these are not new words.  And they are words that are often used in different but similar contexts to he/she.  I find the situation very confusing.  "They" and "them" are plural.  As traditionally used, they refer to multiple people, not a single individual.

I'll be reading along and will come across a sentence that includes the word "they".  But the sentence will make no sense if "they" is being used in the traditional way.  When I see "they" I automatically think "multiple people", but what I have already read leads me to believe that only a single person is involved.

This confusion forces me to stop and carefully examine the context.  Did I miss something?  Did I read something wrong?  If I didn't screw up, and if the context indicates singular, then I eventually conclude that what I am contending with is this new usage of "they".  That's a lot of work that I shouldn't have to do.

I have never been put through a similar experience when I come across an example of Ms in some piece of writing.  No close reading of the text or complicated mental gymnastics are required to figure out that the person being referred to is a woman but that her marital status doesn't figure into what the writer is trying to say.  But I can't tell you how many times in recent years that I have been tripped up by someone using they/them in this new way.

This they/them business is a completely unforced error.  Fortunately, it is also one that can easily be repaired.  The appropriate people (whoever came up with this they/them business in the first place) need to survey Science Fiction, then pick out whatever words appeal to them and go with them instead of they/them.

If they don't like any of the options they find there, then in principle I have no objection to them coming up with new words.  But really, with the broad selection of options Science Fiction has already come up with, it says something about the people doing the picking that they object to all of them.

What supporters of the LGBTQ (and some other letters - remember when it was just gay/straight) communities have come up with so far is just not working.  They need to understand that they are a minority who seems dead set on imposing an unnecessarily large burden on the majority while gaining little for themselves.  Ms imposed a small burden on the majority.  That made it a reasonable accommodation.

The whole they/them business is an unreasonable accommodation for several reasons.  But an important one is that there are alternatives that impose a far smaller burden on the majority.  The question is, are they smart enough to figure this out?  So far, the answer is no.  By being unreasonable in their "ask" they have handed an issue to Trump and his people.  And that is an additional cost attached to what they are asking for.

Objections to this whole they/them business should have been raised a long time ago.  And if the objections had been raised by people like me who are sympathetic to these groups of people because we are aware of the rampant discrimination they are subjected to, then perhaps the objections would have been acted upon.  One reason I didn't speak out before was because I had no idea who to speak to.  Unfortunately, we have now reached the stage where desperate measures are required.

Finally, I mentioned previously that I have no problem making changes to our standard set of pronouns.  What I object to is ham-handed changes like they/them.  As further proof of my willingness to change things up let me point to the whole "you" problem.  Is "you" singular or plural?  It's both, and that's confusing.

We should have two words, one for singular and one for plural.  That would eliminate the confusion surrounding situations where it takes an excessive amount of mental effort to figure out whether "you" refers to a single person or a group of people.

This is an issue that has long annoyed me.  But I had long since given up on being able to do anything about it.  Well, there is no time like the present.  Fortunately, I have what I think is a good solution for this problem.  "You" would be restricted to the singular.  We would use a different word for a group of people.  And, it turns out we can go down a road similar to the Mizz/Ms road to find that word.

The word that plays the role of Mizz in my propoased solution is "youall".  Mizz is not officially a word, so it has no established spelling.  Youall is also not an official word, so I'm not exactly sure how it should be rendered.

Youall is widely used in the South in the same way that Mizz was widely used within the LAPD (and probably many other police departments).  Most people didn't personally use Mizz, but thanks to Jack Web and Dragnet, they were familiar with it.  Only a small fraction of the U.S. population uses youall, but pretty much everybody in the country is familiar with it.

Mizz is a blurring of Mister and Misses.  Youall is an informal contraction of "you" and "all".  So, like Mizz it becomes virtually self defining.  As a result, no great work needs to be done to introduce the word into general usage.  Once introduced, people will find it easy to use it themselves.  They will also have no problem understanding it when someone else uses it.

And, of course, there is a contraction of youall that is also in widespread use in the South, "y'all".  In the same way that Mizz was shortened to Ms, I propose using the contraction but dropping the apostrophe.  "Yall" would be introduced as the plural of "you".  So, "you" would refer to one  person and "yall" would refer to a group.

What if it was unclear as to whether one person or multiple people were involved.  I am okay with groups of one.  So, if the number of people is unknown or unclear, then "yall" should be used.  People would need to learn that "yall" can occasionally mean only one person.

Yall follows in the footsteps of Ms.  It is easy to adopt.  It reduces confusion rather than increasing it.  I don't think what I am suggesting precisely follows the current usage of youall/y'all, but I think the people who currently use youall/y'all won't have much trouble adapting to the change.  And they can take pride in the fact that one of their words has moved out of the derogatory category and into the accepted category.

So, there you have it.  More on pronouns than you ever wanted to experience.  But also a path that gets us to a better place.